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This is part of the most recent letter sent to me:

"I write to you because a girl that I know, recently confessed to me that her ex-boyfriend, who is a member in her own church, sexually molested her... she felt so scared that she decided to hide it from everybody. I was the first person to learn about this incident and I told her to talk to her pastor. She did, and he only told her to just forget about everything and forgive him. He never spoke with this man.

Anyway, the problem that I have is that because of what the pastor said, she wants to hide it and keep it a secret. After a lot of hard work, I convinced her to talk to her parents. Shockingly, they said the same thing, to just forget it because we should forgive him. I am confused about everything now. Does being a Christian mean that if someone is being sexually abused, I should forgive the person and keep living my life as if nothing happened? I thought that I should go to the police immediately but my friend is so scared to do this because she loves God and ... thinks that if she reports the abuse, she is doing something that God hates. I don't know what to tell her because she is so concerned about what the pastor said. ...Is it a sin to report this to the police? Thank you for your time."

I sent the note to some ladies who I knew would understand perfectly and would pray with empathy.  The following are parts of their responses to this young woman.

First note: From a mother whose daughter was molested by a ministry worker and the pastor kept it hushed.

"First, I know why she hid such [behavior] from everyone.  She felt as though everyone would blame her and accuse her of "wanting it" or that no-one would believe her. I have been there myself; then I have been there with my daughter.

I can't tell anyone what to do, I can only give advice.  My advice would be to tell the police if she feels led by the Lord, so at least the police department would be aware of this young man's actions.  Then if others call the police department about the same man the police can take further action when and if needed.  One thing I do know, hiding such horrendous crimes is only causing the victims more torture and if parents, teachers and pastors (the people children trust) don't do anything about these sins the sin will only continue.

I believe we need to start talking to parents, pastors, teachers, as well as any other authority figure that children may trust and confide in, and make them aware of the torture that children endure once these things are told.  Instead (victims) are being told to keep their mouths shut. What a sin!

Christian or not, we are all of sin nature first! As a victim myself, I know when we are told to keep our mouths shut about abuse we feel the ones giving that advice are making the abuser more valuable than [his victims].  But the truth is that God thinks we are all valuable...Yes, it is true this young lady needs to forgive for her own sake.  The unforgiveness will hold her captive until she does...  But that does not mean this young lady needs to be held captive by feelings of fear and unhappiness because of what someone else has done to her either.

....this young man is now standing in the church building every week smug and believing he can get away with anything now because he got away with sin this time, or so he thinks...."

Second note: from a woman who was raped by a man in the church and not believed by her pastor so the incident went unreported to the police.

My heart goes out to the girl that was because I kept my situation quiet, I lived 18 years in pain, betrayal, guilt and remorse.  I wouldn’t want anyone to go through what I have experienced.

By keeping the situation quiet, is not only allowing the abuse to continue, but it is also giving permission for the preditor to do the same to other people.  It will never bring closure to the matter and you will always wonder who else has been hurt by that person. You will also wonder if he will come back and do the same thing to you .  My biggest regret is that charges were not brought against the person who raped me.

Third response: from Sharon Merhalski

Our daughter and eight other little girls were molested by our pastor in Maine when our daughter was five years old.  This took place inside of the church building during school hours.  My daughter did not tell us for a couple of months because her life was threatened by her predator. 

All nine sets of parents filed charges and the criminal went to prison for many years.  The justice God has ordained in our judicial system gave closure to all of the parents and to the children.  I know justice and closure was a great part of our daughter’s emotional healing...and ours as her parents.

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