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I hardly know where to begin as this is a very difficult topic to write about.  I am writing this to help anyone who may be experiencing the same difficulties as myself.  I pray for you to receive healing and encouragement as I share my heart with you.

When I was 3 years old my family moved to the beautiful state of Maine.  I recall several wonderful family memories of our time in Maine, but some remembrances haunt me.  When I turned five years old I started attending kindergarten at our local church.  I had a wonderful teacher and I learned so much.  My teacher was the pastor’s wife and I became very close to her and the pastor.  They had horses and I loved to ride them in all of the horse shows.  As a small child, I put my complete trust in the man of God and loved him dearly.  Little did I know that my trust would soon be extinguished.

During playtime outside, preacher would come outside and spend some time with the students.  We all loved this special time with him.  It became something greater though.  He began doing things to me in private that were inappropriate.  He touched me in an improper way and treated me like I had never been treated before.  I dismissed the fact that this was odd.  After all, he was the preacher and he would only do things out of love and protection for me.  This went on for several months.  Each episode made me feel more uncomfortable.  Finally, at dinner one night I just blurted out, " Pastor sure does love me. He shows me all the time."  My parents began to question me and I told them everything.  My dad seemed angry.  I thought that he was upset with me.  I was too young to understand the horror that he was going through.   Investigations were made and I was not the only one that had been molested.  This man spent several years in jail and I spent several years in turmoil.

Let me now share the lessons I have learned with you through all of this.

First of all, I was upset at myself for telling my parents.   Pastor was taken from me and I did not understand.  All I knew was that as soon as I said something I did not see him again.  Sometimes in life things are done to us that we do not understand.  Rules are just boundaries set up to protect us from harm, not to make us uncomfortable.  I rebelled in my heart at that, because he was my preacher.  I understand now though the terrible pain and anguish my parents were going through.  Something had been done to their little girl and they were not there to stop it.  I am very thankful that the lines of communication were open in our home and that I felt comfortable going to my parents.  If my parents never believed me or never let me share what was in my heart, only the Lord knows where I would be today. 

Secondly, I felt bitterness at all spiritual leaders.  Someone that I had put complete trust and confidence in had let me down.  I was afraid that any other preacher would do the same.  Just a few years ago my husband shared a verse with me that really touched my heart and made me realize how childish and foolish I was acting. In Psalm 118:8 it says, "It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man."

I went to the altar that night and gave it to God. I forgave my pastor for what he did to me and told the Lord that I would try my best to trust in Him and Him alone for everything.   The Lord will never let us down.  If we put our complete trust in Him, we will never be forsaken or mistreated.

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