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I would like for each of you to take a few minutes and really think about that question. Then I would like for you to get a paper and pen and be prepared to take a little quiz. I’m not grading the test and I promise you, you don’t have to turn in the papers.

Frequently, one of the primary character traits of an abuse survivor is an over-whelming need to be in control. Is abuse the only cause of control issues? No, of course not. Some people have learned to control others because of their occupation, (police, military, etc.) other people learn to be controlling with no conscious thought.

Did you ever think as a child, "When I’m a mom I’ll never say that to my kids," only to later hear your mother speaking from your mouth when you are the parent? That is a learned behavior without deliberate intention. If one of your parents was a very controlling person you may have learned their methods without even thinking about it.

Here are the quiz questions.

1. If someone else sweeps your floor, do you feel you are a bad housekeeper?
   
   
2. When was the last time you asked your spouse what he or she planned to do on their day off without handing them a "Honey do" list?
   
   
3. Do you make a daily or weekly list (even mentally) of things that must be done?
   
   
4. If someone folds your towels "wrong" do you have to refold them?
   
   
5. If you spouse or child says, "It would be a good day to go to the park." Do you reply, "Let’s go." Or do you check your list or refuse because a trip to the park isn’t on your schedule?
   
   
6. When you and your spouse are discussing plans and goals for your family, do you ever start the discussion without having already made up your mind what should be done and how?
   
   
7. When was the last time you asked your mate or children what they wanted to do for vacation and then just did what they wanted?
   
   
8. Do you and your spouse have discussions about him or her driving "your" car?
   
   
9. Have you ever had money left after bill paying that you just handed to your spouse without suggesting how it should be used or questioning later how it was spent?
   
   
10. If every item on your list doesn’t get done do you get frustrated and consider yourself a failure?

I think I can hear a rumble in the reading audience now. Yes, I hear squeals of protest. "You don’t understand, if I don’t take charge nothing will get done." "I want him to be the head of the family but he won’t make decisions." "He never learned how to manage money." "He doesn’t see the long-range goals." "He wants me to handle things." "I need to be organized for my peace of mind." "If I don’t write lists, things don’t get done." Please, don’t stop reading now.

Let’s take some time to consider some things about these questions.

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