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A Christian woman who has been seeking counseling because of her history of being abused recently stated, "for the first time in her life she does not feel rage inside that just spews out." I thought about the number of times I have personally felt rage, as well as the number of times I’ve heard other abuse victims mention their anger. My mind began to question why? Why can’t we just forget it? Why can’t we just get over it? Why does the most insignificant thing trigger a huge blow-up?

Proverbs 29:25

"The fear of man bringeth a snare: but whoso putteth his trust in the LORD shall be safe."

Children are born with a craving to be loved and cared for...a need to bond with their mother. Physical abuse within the home is often prefaced with a statement along the lines of, "I love you but I have to do this for your own good." Abusive discipline that includes declarations of love and references to the child never being good are often the kindling of a fire of anger deep within the child. When a child is abused or sexually violated in anyway the child’s ability to trust is shattered. The child craves love and affection but is unable to trust anyone. The child wants to love and be loved but they have been falsely taught that love causes pain. They can’t trust their parents to love them gently, to protect them from others and they transfer that inability to trust into all areas of their life as the mature. They can’t trust friends, employers, their spouse, or God. There is a fire burning just beneath the surface that they are unable to put out. Because they don’t trust others, abuse survivors question the motives of other people. Survivors expect to be hurt and offended and consequently tend to misconstrue things that are said to them or done for them. Let me see if I can illustrate this for you.

Less than 100 years ago in some parts of this country it was common practice to keep a large pot of water on the stove. The homes used wood or coal to cook with, there were no hot water heaters, and you never knew when someone might need hot water. The water pot was filled and allowed to come to a boil, then it was moved from the center of the heat to the back of the stove, moved "off the boil". When a woman needed to wash some dishes, mop a floor, or wash a counter, she would scoop hot water from the pot and mix in enough cold water to be able to use the water. If hot water was needed while cooking it was dipped from the big pot. If a visitor stopped by a cup of coffee or tea was quickly prepared because the pot was "just off the boil". If boiling water were needed it only took a small piece of wood or repositioning of the pot to quickly have the water at a full rolling boil.

Abuse survivors are like that pot that is just "off the boil". They have a fire of anger within that keeps them in a constant turmoil. They can’t believe that anyone really loves them, they expect for everyone to realize that they are un-lovable and consequently they set themselves up to fail in their relationships. A simple comment is misunderstood...a stick added to the already burning fire, and the abuse survivor explodes...the pot boils.

Many Christian people want to get past their anger and can’t figure out how to do it. They spend hours in prayer asking God to cure them of their anger. They repent over and over again. How deep is their frustration when they once again get angry. They see themselves as failures in everyway. They are so bad that God can’t or won’t help them control their rage. There is more proof that they are in fact un-lovable. They can believe God will save them but they aren’t worth fixing now.

Why doesn’t God seem to hear their prayer about controlling their anger? Because the anger is not the problem, it’s the outward manifestation of the problem. The problem is shattered trust.

Proverbs 3:5-6

"Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths."

Psalm 9:9-10

"The LORD also will be a refuge for the oppressed, a refuge in times of trouble.

And they that know thy name will put their trust in thee: for thou, LORD, hast not forsaken them that seek thee."

Psalm 31:1

"In thee, O LORD, do I put my trust; let me never be ashamed: deliver me in thy righteousness.

You see in order for God to answer our prayers for help to control our emotions...in this case our pot of anger or rage that boils over onto everyone around us...we must first confess our lack of trust as the sin that it is. When we confess our lack of trust as sin and ask the Lord to forgive us of that sin, we are then able to begin to trust Him with our todays as well as our eternity. We must trust God because He is trustworthy.

When Satan attacks us with lack of trust, and he will, we must know scripture to put into practice. Pray the scripture to the Lord and tell Him to send Satan away.

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