Abbott And Costello On Computers
Author Unknown
Comedians of the 1930's-1950's Bud Abbott and Lou Costello did a comedy sketch
about baseball, now infamous, titled "Who's on First?" It might have turned
out something like this in our day of cell phones and computers:
COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT . . . .
ABBOTT: Super Duper Computer Store. May I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about
buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look in the windows?
ABBOTT: A desktop and wallpaper.
COSTELLO: I already have a desk with a large top, so never mind the windows
with the computer. I just need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. For the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals,
track expenses and run my business. What have you got?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting
at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: The Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is "office".
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows? I told you I don't want windows
installed in my computer.
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue
"W".
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your "blue 'W'" if you don't start with
some straight answers! OK, forget
that. Can I watch movies on the internet on this computer?
ABBOTT: Yes, you'll want Real One.
COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your
business. Just tell me what I need!
ABBOTT: Real One.
COSTELLO: If it's a long movie I also want to see reel 2, 3 & 4. Can I
watch them?
ABBOTT: Of course.
COSTELLO: Great! With what?
ABBOTT: Real One.
COSTELLO: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?
ABBOTT: You click the blue "1".
COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?
ABBOTT: The blue "1".
COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue "W"?
ABBOTT: The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" is Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: But there are three words in "office for windows"!
ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the
world.
COSTELLO: It is?
ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words
left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there.
COSTELLO: And that word is "real one"?
ABBOTT: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't
even part of Office.
COSTELLO: STOP! Don't start that again. What about financial
bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer?
How much?
ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
A FEW DAYS LATER . .
ABBOTT: Super Duper Computer Store. May I help you?
COSTELLO: Your people set up this computer in my den and
turned it on, but how do I turn it off?
ABBOTT: Click on "START."
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