Disorder In The Court

These are from a book called "Disorder in the Court." They are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters - who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

Question:   What is your date of birth?
Answer:   July fifteenth.
Question:   What year?
Answer:   Every year

Question:   What gear were you in at moment of the impact?
Answer:   Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

Question:   This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
Answer:   Yes.
Question:   And in what ways does it affect your memory?
Answer:   I forget.
Question:   You forget. Can you give us an example of something you've forgotten?

Question:   How old is your son, the one living with you?
Answer:   Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Question:   How long has he lived with you?
Answer:   Forty-five years.

Question:   What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
Answer:   He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Question: And why did that upset you?
Answer:   My name is Susan.

Question:   And where was the location of the accident?
Answer:   Approximately milepost 499.
Question:   And where is milepost 499?
Answer:   Probably between milepost 498 and 500.

Question:   Sir, what is your IQ?
Answer:   Well, I can see pretty well, I think.

Question:   Did you blow your horn or anything?
Answer:   After the accident?
Question:   Before the accident.
Answer:   Sure, I played for 10 years. I even went to school for it.

Question:   Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
Answer:   Yes.
Question:   Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
Answer:   Yes, sir.
Question:   What did she say?
Answer:   What disco am I at?

Question:   Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

Question:   The youngest son, the 20-year old, how old is he?

Question:   Were you present when your picture was taken?

Question:   So the date of conception of (the baby) was August 8th?
Answer:   Yes.
Question: And what were you doing at that time?

Question:   She had three children, right?
Answer:   Yes.
Question:   How many were boys?
Answer:   None.
Question:   Were there any girls?

Question:   You say the stairs went down to the basement?
Answer:   Yes.
Question:   And these stairs, did they go up also?

Question:   How was your first marriage terminated?
Answer:   By death.
Question:   And by whose death was it terminated?

Question:   Can you describe the individual?
Answer:   He was about medium height and had a beard.
Question:   Was this a male or a female?

Question:   Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice that I sent to your attorney?
Answer:   No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Question:   Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
Answer:   All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Question:   All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
Answer:   Oral.

Question:   Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
Answer:   The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Question:   And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
Answer:   No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

Question:   Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

Question:   Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
Answer:   No.
Question:   Did you check for blood pressure?
Answer:   No.
Question:   Did you check for breathing?
Answer:   No.
Question:   So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
Answer:   No.
Question:   How can you be so sure, Doctor?
Answer:   Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Question:   But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
Answer:   Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

Judge:   "Well Sir, I have reviewed this case and I've decided to give your wife $775 a week."
Husband:   "That's fair, your honor. I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."

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