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Bullying is a Form of Abuse

Child Abuse ... It Happens - Child Abuse ... It Happens

Written by Sharon Merhalski

Bullies can take the fun out of school - where bullying happens most - and turn something simple like a ride on the bus, stop at a locker, or walk to the bathroom into a scary event that's anticipated with worry all day.

[Personal observation: I believe children who bully other children have parents who bully them. Sometimes I am appalled when I hear how parents talk to their children. I always have to restrain myself not to ask, "Parents, do you hear yourself...your tone of voice...your accusatory statements?" While correcting a son who was a young teen his parents/my friends, had to stop as they realized the way their son was talking to them was exactly the way they had talked to him when they were 'correcting' him. Without reservation I believe children who bully other children have parents who bully them.]

Children who are bullied often experience low self-esteem and depression, whereas those doing the bullying may go on to engage in more destructive, antisocial behaviors as teens and adults. Bullies, who often have been bullied themselves, may pick on others to feel powerful, popular, important, or in control. Often, they antagonize the same children repeatedly.

Sadly, bullying is widespread. According to a 2004 KidsHealth KidsPoll, 86% of more than 1,200 9- to 13-year-old boys and girls polled said they've seen someone else being bullied, 48% said they've been bullied, and 42% admitted to bullying other kids at least once in a while.

“Bullying is when a person or group repeatedly tries to harm someone who is weaker. Sometimes it involves direct attacks such as hitting, name calling, teasing or taunting. Sometimes it is indirect, such as spreading rumors or trying to make others reject someone.

Often people dismiss bullying among kids as a normal part of growing up. But bullying is harmful. It can lead children and teenagers to feel tense and afraid. It may lead them to avoid school. In severe cases, teens who are bullied may feel they need to take drastic measures or react violently. Others even consider suicide. For some, the effects of bullying last a lifetime.” Centers for Disease Control and Prevention

Although the black eye is a concrete sign that your child may be a victim of bullying, there are many different ways kids bully that aren't always as easy to spot:

• Cyber bullying is a relatively new phenomenon - began surfacing as modern communication technologies advanced. Through email, instant messaging, Internet chat rooms, and electronic gadgets like camera cell phones, cyber bullies forward and spread hurtful images and/or messages. Bullies use this technology to harass victims at all hours, in wide circles, at warp speed.

• Emotional bullying can be more subtle and can involve isolating or excluding a child from activities (i.e., shunning the victim in the lunchroom or on school outings) or spreading rumors. This kind of bullying is especially common among girls.

• Physical bullying can accompany verbal bullying and involves things like kicking, hitting, biting, pinching, hair pulling, or threats of physical harm.

• Racist bullying preys on children through racial slurs, offensive gestures, or making jokes about a child's cultural traditions.

• Sexual bullying involves unwanted physical contact or sexually abusive or inappropriate comments.

• Verbal bullying usually involves name-calling, incessant mocking, and laughing at a child's expense.

From the National Mental Health Information Center: Generally, we call it bullying when one or more persons repeatedly say or do hurtful things to another person who has problems defending himself or herself. Direct bullying usually involves hitting, kicking, or making insults, offensive and sneering comments, or threats.

Repeatedly teasing someone who clearly shows signs of distress is also recognized as bullying. However, indirect bullying—the experience of being excluded from a group of friends, being spoken ill of and being prevented from making friends—can be just as painful.

Most bullying takes place at the same grade level. However, many times older students bully younger students. Although direct bullying is a greater problem among boys, a good deal of bullying takes place among girls. Bullying between girls, however, involves less physical violence and can be more difficult to discover. Girls tend to use indirect and subtle methods of bullying, such as exclusion from a group of friends, backbiting, and manipulation of friendships. Far more boys than girls bully, and many girls are mostly bullied by boys, but both can be victims of bullying.

These three conditions create a bullying situation:
1. Negative or malicious behavior.
2. Behavior repeated over a period of time.
3. A relationship in which there is an imbalance in strength or power between the parties involved.

Parents and school personnel should no longer consider bullying “just a part of growing up.” It is harmful to both the perpetrators and the victims and is responsible for behavioral and emotional difficulties, long-term negative outcomes, and violence.

The National Institutes of Health (2000) recently reported that in the United States alone, bullying affects more than 5 million students in grades 6 through 11. One out of 7 students reported being victimized. The violence that erupted at several schools in highly publicized shooting incidents in the late 1990s spurred several State legislatures to propose laws requiring schools to adopt anti-bullying policies. By 2001, New Hampshire,West Virginia, and Colorado had passed laws, while others are pending in Illinois, New York, and Washington.
The severity of the problem has been recognized by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), Center for Mental Health Services (CMHS), and other agencies. In response to this critical issue, SAMHSA/ CMHS is launching a Bullying Prevention Initiative with the help of prime-time television, public service messages, and bullying prevention educational materials.

What are the Warning Signs?

Your Child–
• Comes home with torn, dirty, or wet clothes or damaged books, or “loses” things without being able to give a proper explanation of what has happened.
• Has bruises, injuries, cuts, and scratches and cannot give a credible explanation for what caused them.
• Loses interest in school and gets poorer grades.
• Does not bring classmates home and rarely spends time with classmates after school.
• Seems afraid or unwilling to go to school in the morning.
• Chooses an “illogical” route to and from school.
• Seems unhappy, downhearted, depressed, or has mood swings with sudden outbursts of irritation or anger.
• Often has little appetite, headaches, or stomach aches.
• Sleeps restlessly with nightmares and possibly cries in his/her sleep.
• Steals or asks for extra money from members of the family (to soften up the bullies)

Bullying can be seen as a part of a general pattern of anti-social and rule-breaking behavior. Children who are bullies during their school years are at a much higher risk of later becoming involved in crime, misuse of alcohol, tobacco, and illegal drugs. If your child is bullying others, it is important to break this pattern, not just for the sake of the victim, but also for your own child’s sake.

For excellent information on bullying:
About Bullying
Bullying

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Bullying is a Form of Abuse
Tuesday, 14 April 2009
Bullies can take the fun out of school - where bullying happens most - and turn something simple like a ride on the bus, stop at a locker, or walk to the bathroom into a scary event that's anticipated with worry all day. [Personal observation: I...