Titus 2 Men And Women - Affects of Hurtful Words...Verbal Abuse

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Affects of Hurtful Words...Verbal Abuse

Child Abuse ... It Happens - Child Abuse ... It Happens

Written by Sharon Merhalski

God reminds us in Proverbs 16:24 that there is actual health in pleasant words: “Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health (a medicine) to the bones (body).” (Words defined from the Strong’s Concordance.)

Emotional and verbal abuse do as much harm as physical abuse. “Emotional abuse is a pattern of behavior that attacks a child's emotional development and "results in impaired psychological growth and development" (Prevent Child Abuse America)

I grew up so often begging my mother to hit me…hit me hard…but stop yelling those words at me. The pain of the sexual and physical violence went away…the words are in my mind forever. And I have talked to both survivors of child abuse and women in domestic violence situations who actually believe the violence was their fault because they too asked the abuser to hit them and not yell the words at them.

I will put the complete article that contains the results of a study done by: W. Penn Handwerker, a medical anthropologist: Hurtful Words Can Have Physical Effect and I quote part of that article:

"Words create fear and can be construed to contain the promise of future violence. The emotional impact on victims can range from low-level anxiety to paralyzing fear. When an adult, such as a teacher or parent, regularly berates a child, the words can influence the child's future personality, academic success and adult life…because they change how the brain develops and thus how it works in adulthood. Not surprisingly, those that have the most impact are words that come from people we admire or who have some power over our lives: teachers, spouses, parents and peers.” (And I’ll add to that list pastors and church workers.)

If intervention does not happen and abuse—verbal, emotional, physical and/or sexual--is the only family environment children are exposed to, they may well accept that child abuse and domestic violence is not only normal, but it is okay. They are being taught that it is okay to hurt or be hurt by someone they love, especially if they do something to make them angry. And those of us dealing with adults in domestic violence homes know that this is often the reason the abused spouse stays in the situation…or young girls get into toxic relationships and marry abusive men.

This is where God’s words apply to dysfunctional parents, “Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me;” Exodus 20:5. We may say you don’t bow down to idols. Just remember anything that comes between us and God is an idol. Unquestionably angry, abusive, dysfunctional behavior comes between a person and God…and deeply wounds spouses and children. This verse says we hate God if we do so.

Again, Dr. Handwerker reports: “The result (of verbal, emotional, physical or sexual abuse) may be slow death resulting from chronic pain, fatigue, or headaches, or from use of alcohol or drugs, or other destructive behaviors.”

And…Kids are not the only ones wounded by harsh words. In relationships, on the job and in day-to-day life, adults are also bombarded with, and affected by, hurtful words. Spouses who are confronted with regular verbal abuse develop feelings of self-doubt, low self-worth, hopelessness and depression. They may become withdrawn and angry and start to suffer physical effects as well.

Why physical effects? Because of the illness-causing affects of stress.

Hurtful Words Can Have Physical Effect, Says Researcher
August 30, 1999, University of Connecticut

The childhood maxim that sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt you is wrong.

In fact, hurtful words can haunt you all your life and may lead to heart disease, depression, suicide or stress, or even the aggression witnessed in the Littleton, Colo., shootings, says W. Penn Handwerker, a professor of anthropology. The words that come from people with power over your life, such as teachers and parents or peers you admire, have the most impact, he says.

Handwerker, a medical anthropologist, found that accusatory statements - especially those that start with "you" - are a factor that contribute to increasing rates of depression in the United States and often lead to serious health problems, especially for women.

His research looked at the effects of childhood "violence," including not only slapping or hitting but also demeaning or belittling, treating a person as inferior, blocking attempts to achieve and attempting to make people feel bad about themselves.

Teachers or parents who repeatedly tell children "you are stupid," or something similar, prompt a physical response in the child, says Handwerker. But saying less accusatory things such as "you disappoint me" can be even worse, because the child is confused about what standards are being imposed.

Words and acts become chronic stressors when a child hears them regularly. Phrases such as 'you disappoint me' do their work on our bodies even more insidiously than words like 'you are stupid!' because they don't elicit a clear stress response," says Handwerker.

Children's brains continue to grow and develop through adolescence. Words like these have effects that last a lifetime, because they change how the brain develops and thus how it works in adulthood.

The result may be slow death resulting from chronic pain, fatigue, or headaches, or from use of alcohol or drugs, or other destructive behaviors, Handwerker says.

What Does God say?

Psalm 19:14 “Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer.”

Psalm 36:3 “The words of his mouth are iniquity and deceit: he hath left off to be wise, and to do good.”

Psalm 55:21 “The words of his mouth were smoother than butter, but war was in his heart: his words were softer than oil, yet were they drawn swords.”

Psalm 64:3 “Who whet their tongue like a sword, and bend their bows to shoot their arrows, even bitter words:”

Psalm 52:4 “Thou lovest all devouring words, O thou deceitful tongue.”

Psalm 59:12 “For the sin of their mouth and the words of their lips let them even be taken in their pride:”

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Affects of Hurtful Words...Verbal Abuse
Tuesday, 14 April 2009
God reminds us in Proverbs 16:24 that there is actual health in pleasant words: “Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health (a medicine) to the bones (body).” (Words defined from the Strong’s Concordance.) Emotional and...