Titus 2 Men And Women

I Have a Longing...

Three years ago I arrived at a time in life when I considered the ache in my heart long enough to realize it was a deep-seated longing...an intense craving...for everything I had not learned or experienced in Christ.  I began a seeking journey that deepened my relationship with the Lord...a relationship which has grown sweeter by the day.

Step by step in this journey I had to learn what to "put on" and "put off".  Putting on and adjusting the armor of God was, at times, laborious.  Putting off the old man was often tedious as the Holy Spirit revealed things I had not noticed.  This journey has not ended and my longing...craving...has deepened for Christ's loving guidance and sweet fellowship.

As I was trying to format some thoughts I read the following devotion.  I contacted Christine Wyrtzen recently to thank her for writing her heart during her journey to freedom in Christ...a journey which is very parallel to mine.

God has so often used her words to teach me and draw me onward in God's mercy and grace.  I pray that the following devotion will clarify what I have just written and will be the blessing to you that it was to me.  --Sharon Merhalski

The Nature of Longing

"Behold, I have longed after your precepts; quicken me in thy righteousness." Psalm 119:40

What creates longing? There is a void and I experience it in three ways.

1. I once had something of great value but it was taken away from me. I long to have it back.
2. I've never had it and I know it is critical for my existence. I've spent a lifetime longing for it. 
3. I only have a little bit of it, it's precious to me, and I long for more.

For the first forty years of my life, I didn't long for God's precepts. In all honesty, I couldn't relate to David's words at all. Longing was absent. Mild interest in God's precepts was more my reality. Now, I experience great longing - a longing marked by hunger and preoccupation. What changed? One thing. It was 'need'.

I became aware of the many voids in my heart and began to understand that God's Words were the only thing that would fill them. As dull ache grew to a throbbing pain, longing increased. Jesus was everything I had been looking for. He was healer, deliverer, advocate, comforter, guide, and even the home my heart had been seeking.

When I was very young, I was deprived of something every child needs. The refusal was staggering and to cope with it, I constructed my life in such a way as to deny I ever really needed what was denied me. I closed the door to the possibility of ever getting it. In my forties, I assessed the damage and realized I was shut down. I was numb to spiritual things, feeling nothing for even God. Only as I opened the door to the pain of that memory was God able to show me that He was everything I needed ~ then, and now.

Take this experience, multiply it many hundreds of times, and you end up with a woman who is passionate about Jesus. I have tasted His love in the many voids of my life and I give Him rave reviews. I have come to Him thirsty and am now swimming in living water. I have come to Him with a parched, cracked internal landscape and now live in a lush vista of the greenest of springtimes. I know His precepts and I declare that they are life-saving, life-giving. My heart is filled with longing for more. The best news is this ~ there is more. Much more. When longing comes to the table, there is a feast waiting.

"Let me seek Thee in longing,
Let me long for Thee in seeking;
Let me find Thee in love,
And love Thee in finding."  --Anselm

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